Memories

Memories, they are good and bad. We can spend quite a lot of money preserving memories, they can be in the form of bronzing babies boots or other items; we can take pictures and preserve them in a photo book, we can make videos of special memories and watch them years later. Those types of memories are the ones that we want to remember. Now i say want because most memories we remember are the one that we disliked, those types of memories haunt us, torment us, and could even make us go crazy. I had a chat with my friend and i will give you the gist of it, for me to move on and change, and basically give up the past. Looking back at the past, i have had a rather good life, life has been good with me. But for some reason i can only seem to find and only remember the bad things, the people that have hurt me, the people that i have hurt myself, the people i could have hurt if i made a different decision at the time. I'm going to be completely honest with you, i don't like looking back at the past.....but it's like im fixed to watch it. It torments me sometimes knowing what i have done to people who i have called friend. I have regret for a lot of things i have done and could have done, they drift and can even appear just when i don't want them to. Memories hurt for some people, and the funny thing is....sometimes, you can't even see it. You could know somebody for years, and think you know them, but they could have suffered, suffering from, or even soon to suffer. I'm saying this because....i basically try to live in the present, because the past is hard to find good things, and i'm scared about the future, knowing what i have done in the present and the past. It only takes the time of a click of a finger for something to change. It's scary to know, but it's true. Time is the past, present and future. Lived, Lives, Will live. And i need time for things to change, i need to change myself....again. I need to stop thinking and worrying about the past and future and i need to accept that things happen, i essentially need to man up.

For people that have read this and is in my life, please remember. I don't want to talk about the whole past, some things are left buried and locked away, now if you try to bury those memories up, i will shut down and walk away. So don't pressure me please, i'm not saying this to sound controlling but it's something i wish not to talk about, we all have those memories we keep locked away and im sure you wouldn't want people going through them, this is something i want to change at my own pace, myself.

The next few weeks, months, years....however long it will take, it going to be hard.

Yours

John (SalvoSoldier)