Forget it!

Today's thought for the day is forget it

"forget it!" This is an expression is used quite a lot when something seems impossible. If today if i could sum up the day i would say "forget it!" and then walk away. Once again another depressing day which has left me to write more depressing Blog posts. Things was going wrong everywhere and leaving me annoyed and i had to drop everything and needed to walk away, but as normal i put up with it, which made me even more depressed. while trying to be unnoticeable is not helping either. Things are falling apart piece by piece and I'm letting it happen.

Really needing to rest

Salvosoldier (John Machan)

Glass box

The thought for the day is "glass box".

Today once again another depressing day, things going wrong and people being annoying. During my lunch i got really annoyed with people and just needed some time to recover my thoughts, so i walked up the metal stairs near where we usually congregate and i looked out and down at everybody was in their little groups chatting and only 2 people noticed and starting being annoying by jumping up and shouting then went to back with what they was doing. and it made me think i wished that i could go into a little glass box and just watch things just past by as if it was nothing. being unnoticeable can be good and helpful like when you want people to leave you alone. but the bad thing is that when you want to be noticed it just doesn't happen and you feel locked inside the glass box. while up on that metal staircase it felt good to be alone it felt relaxing and all i could feel the gentle breeze.

To conclude it seems that this is only the start of a bad week. I have idea's on what is making me depressed and i think i should really talk to somebody about this. The good thing is that i am coping and should really be looking on the good side, the problem is I'm questioning if there is ever a good side on anything.

SalvoSoldier (John Machan)

review of this week

I felt just now just summing up with my week after posting some really depressing posts. The first thing is that i want to say is that i have worked out that i was just having a bad week. The second is that i am fine now but im just have a stinking cold right now which don't help (little joke there). The third thing is that i'm really happy to have a wonderful girlfriend who has helped me in my really bad week (who is also in my profile picture for blogger), i have no idea where i would be without her. anyway i just felt summing up this week hoping i haven't made anybody feel bad. Being unnoticable can do this to me. Just one more thing i wanted to say anybody who is reading this and is thinking of starting a blog i just want to say is put what you feel when writing it really helps when you need to speak out. after putting this advice into action i have posted more blog posts than i did last year in a entire week.

To conclude this week has been bad but with a turn around at the weekend. Wow to i love weekends they are the best and most helpful.

In a good mood.

SalvoSoldier (John Machan)

Fading in and out of the background

The thought for today is fading in and out of the background

Today has been another day in the bad week i have been having. Adding to my last post i have been thinking about a new post and finally found one that has just came to me after looking back at today. my week has been quite a depressing one. today i felt like i was fading into the background i felt alone i was talking to people but it seemed that they didn't really want to know. i think the unoticeable side seems to be growing like it a parasite. I seem to accepted that i try to be unnoticeable but today i didn't really want to be unnoticeable. it seems that being unnoticeable it a gift but also can be a curse or that i am having a bad week.

To conclude i think i need some sleep and need to really thing about this quite alot, and i think im just having a bad week.



Night blog readers

SalvoSoldier (John Machan)

unnoticeable

My thought for the day is unnoticeable. I was thinking about this on my way home today due to the darkness making me unnoticeable. Most people know that i'm a person who likes to keep to himself and stay unnoticeable, I think being unnoticeable to people helps me with the sort of character that i can guess that people think of me. To help understand what I mean i will give some background infomation, In my younger years and abit now i was and am still a easy target to annoy and bully, It started in year 3 after a good friend of mine who used to stand up for me left to go to another country. So after my friend went i became the easy target and this went on untill year 6 after i left the school and then went to my secondry school that i still go to i started to become unnoticeable i stayed out of people's way and kept a low profile but some how they allways found me out. while becoming unnoticeable i kept and now sometimes do show no expression on how i really feel which is a part of being unnoticeable which was hard for the teachers to work out that i was being bullied, that was untill in year 8 that when something big happened they ask me if i was being bulling and then finally i had to speak out on how i feel. Even writing this blog entry i am finding this quite hard to write down how i really feel. In year 10 i got to know a friend who was knew to the school who tried to make me in his terms "come out of my shell" which in my terms after that year "failed really badly" I am a person who keeps to himself, and works best when im on my own and also when im left alone and im not going to change that. I think that the way that i feel also affects on how i dress, my basic dress sense would be jeans and a hoodie. I like wearing hoodies because of two reasons:
1.They are warm
2.I can shield my facial expressions more easily when i need to
To summerise this paragraph of text, I like being unnoticed and i have accepted that i keep to myself, I don't useally care what people think of me and i like hoodies for different reasons. It seems that im at my best when im not seen or heard by people.

SalvoSoldier (John Machan)
 

The past

I think looking back at today i would say my thought for the day would be "the past". my day has mostly been helping my church with manning a stall for their Christmas fayre and then i spent some time with my girlfriend shopping and spending time with her, we went to this christian book shop and looked around it and she bought some Christmas presents for her family and the woman round the counter was a very nice person and she reminded me of a person called melanie that i knew when i was in my first year of secondary school anyway we walked out and walked down the road until my brain kicked in and i asked my girlfriend for her receipt and i read at the bottom the cashiers name which was Melanie. I rushed back and asked her if she went to my school which she replyed with the words "yes" i asked her some more questions an i found out that it was the melanie that i knew when i was younger, and we chatted for half an hour and catched up on old times at my school and i then invited her come sometime to my church which has left me in a good mood and i thought that i would talk about it today i just hope that she maybe come for a meeting.

Today has been a massive turn around from this bad week i have had.


 SalvoSoldier (John Machan)

message to my readers

A great idea came to me this week that i have been thinking about. a few weeks ago I went to this christian youth rally which have this great theme wordship god 20 4 7 which gave me this great idea "thought for a day" which exactly means what it says in the title. im going to do a trial run soon so if you read this could you comment for your views on this new idea.

I really what to hear them!

SalvoSoldier (john machan)